My balls are so social today.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
