I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
