Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
