took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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