I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize