i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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