Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
