Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
