Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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