How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
