First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
