I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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