Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
