i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
