Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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