If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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