And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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