last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize