Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
this hospital has no fireball
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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