god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
