Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
