"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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