fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
