Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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