420 ftw
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
