why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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