i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
