put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
