I think I am morally bankrupt
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
