She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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