just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
