shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
