cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
