i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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