Michael Bay diarrhea
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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