420 ftw
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
