margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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