dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize