I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
