saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
