the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
