I just cut my nipple shaving
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
