So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i need some magic done to my vagina
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
