69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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