Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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