I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
