Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
