I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
