i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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