I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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