is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
