Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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