I heard we made out
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
