I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
