OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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