Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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