Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
