Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
