I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize