I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
