You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
