I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize