GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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