my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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