This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
