he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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