toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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