hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
