did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
