I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
