we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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