Betty ford says i'm here all night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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